He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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