im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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