so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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