i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
