My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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