12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
