a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
