I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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