do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
