i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
