I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
