my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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