beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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