# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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