I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
