do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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