Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
