New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
