You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
