there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
