Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
