were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can't special order awesome
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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