on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
