We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
