NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
