Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
