There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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