your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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