I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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