had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
