At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
