The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
