one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
