Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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