we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
