You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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