Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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