Your tits are I can't wait for
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
