I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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