I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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