Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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