Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
