I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were trust falling into bushes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
