You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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