I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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