So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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