I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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