1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
