I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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