Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
